Rise and Swo!

Good morning campers/swo’ers/balooers/bonuses/thizzbots/non-soupbrained fucks/etc! Glad you’re with us. It means you’re conscious. Which is the first step to getting swo. I think I speak for both of us (Jesse is abswolutely getting swo right now, of this I am certain) when I say that we do this blog for two reasons:

1. The Swo.

2. The Fans.

Now, now, The Fans, we know what you’re thinking:

“Why the faloose are we not number one?!”

Well. Two reasons. First, my priorities are (in order) Swo, Kale, God, Swo, Family and Kale. So, frankly, be happy you’re even on the list. And two, I’m swo. So I can do whatever.

But, we here at NAJAS still take swownership of the fact that, without y’all, we’d just be two Swoldiers of Fortune spiraling off into swoblivion. So, on that note, we’d like to field some reader questions:

“You guys write about your bodies and your diets. Together. On a blog. Are you guys gay?”

- Randy, New York

Well, “Randy.” To start with, your name is “Randy.” So . . . there’s that. As for us, we both do fine with the ladies, and while I don’t like labels, I’d have to say that we’re both quite heterosexuswol.

“Do you guys have jobs?”

- Kristin, Washington

Jesse is a consultant. Nels is a law student. They don’t pay us to be this swo. We do that bitch for free.

“How do you have time to both get swo AND blog about it?”

- Chris, California

Ah, Chris. You’ve really tapped into the Alpha and Swomega of it all. If a swo’d up gangster is super swo, but nobody is there to blog about it, is he even swo? What came first; being swo? Or blogging about it? Hasn’t swo-blogging really just been around since the sworgins of time, but it was just being done by the badgers? Think about it.

Do you guys have any other hobbies?

- Jackie, Tennessee

Nope.

Come on, you guys don’t JUST get swo.

- Jackie, Tennessee

Damn, Jackie! Why you gotta sweat a brotha? Alright, if it’s not fitness/nutrition related, we generally want no god damn part of it. But, if we’re not swoing/running/sleeping/kale-shaking or otherwise tending our swotanical gardens, we’re probably at the bar taking your girl via glowstick. Real. Talk.

What’s wrong with mustaches? Don’t hate!

- Craig, New Jersey

Craig, in literally any other circumstance, I would have got you, dog. But, are you for Frickers serious??? “What is wrong with the ‘stache?” Dude, it’s an anti-tank top. A reverse swo. It’s a downgrade on your life in every way imaginable.

“Cancer or ‘stache?”

Uh, eyah, takin the ‘cer, thanks. Erry. Damn. Time.

Get real, Craig, or I’mma have to make like Swomar, from HBO’s The Wire, and toast yo ass.

How can I get swo?

- Rajesh, Thailand

Great question. Here’s a better one: how can you not get swo? I mean, really. We live in a society where it’s the United States of FAF. Childhood obesity is at an all-time high, there’s HFCS in your water, and the airplane seats aren’t getting smaller, Jim is just getting FAFer. I’m not trying to sound like Bill SwO’Reilly here, but America’s got some serious problems.

But heroes don’t blend in, Rajesh. They stand out.

Do you have what it takes? Do you care enough about yourself, your children, your world to take the plunge? Then go pick up something heavy. Put it down. Repeat. Do this until world hunger is ended, the polar ice caps are icey (or veiny), and nuclear non-swoliferation is a reality and not just a dream.

In other words, Rajesh. Do you, little Thai wizard.